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16 - Johnny Little Niggers has reviewed for you ...

... Whiteout!

terror, tension, suspense, and discharging loose diarroidine have accompanied us in the desert, in the metropolis, in the province, on airplanes, on ships, in schools was now that the white snow Antarctic blood is red, gray brain and yellow snot. Will an unlikely scenario, set in an unlikely place, played by actors who imitate other actors who play their own part, not to bring out the slight, little incentive to ask why it was delayed urine therapy to stay ahead of the screen?

It starts with a bunch of Russians on a plane on which he would not even be taken on board a Hindu in Islamabad found naked in the bedroom of the wife of the Pakistani president. The Russians are known for their calm Olympic swill and shoot, so as to bring down the aircraft. Time gap of about fifty years, Antarctica. Piccola Ketty Beckinsale, federal agent stationed at the base, becomes a hot shower and this says it all on the director's confidence in his product: it starts with a soft erotic thriller. No time to dry out the potato and let it finish the Onan and you must fly in the middle of the pack (not yet swollen to the public, but you will) because it has been found dead, a geologist with a detachment. The boss says to sciacquetta to move with the investigation, because winter comes and you must transfer all the heat.

Ketty, detective burst and sexually repressed for the last time I did cross a werewolf with a vampire Magyar pilot flies with the oracle at Delphi detachment where he hopes to find survivors. Unfortunately finds another corpse, a UN official named Price (strange, a UN that is called "price") and the ineffable "serial killer of ice picks." During a struggle with this, the girl with burns on two fingers and polar ice is the best medicated before flying to another detachment is discovered where an area of \u200b\u200bgeological research misunderstood. Explore carefully the place, the three heroes stumble in the carcass of the plane from Russia on which geologists had stolen materials unknown. Not to be outdone we got on a couple of bottles of vodka, of which there were three boxes, and survive the usual cloying melodrama of buried under the ice.

Back at base there's the good news: the evacuation was anticipated (one might say that the audience already evacuated by much) due to the storm of the century and burned his fingers to be amputated for an unnecessary drama script. Piccola Ketty weeps bitterly while his friend Doc, an alcoholic with the fiatella old doctor, the little finger and ring finger cut off with wire cutters from a plumber. Not no time to cauterize that control the PC through the Google database, she finds that only one pilot flew geologists carrying on the day of the crime. The penultimate surprise is gone: the "serial killer of the ice ax" is an Australian fart tattooed. Ketty Price and arrested him, but he escapes, stabbing the pilot oracle, rescued by Doc, and look for a plane to escape before it gets to the violence of nature.

begins playing "You got" in which everyone is chasing the ice clinging to the bad luck. In the end, the Australian was tortured and stolen property recovered. The base is evacuated unfortunately: it will be a long winter and the two Soviet agents examine the loot, the metal cylinders filled with Smarties. The flatulence isolate had an accomplice. Who will be four if two are cops and one, incidentally the only black man of the whole cast, lay dying with the belly pierced? Originally, the cylinders were filled with rough diamonds and the good Doc wanted to do the pension Pompinopoli with the proceeds of the sale. The poor man, unmasked, it kills the tape and then goes outside to see the aurora australis in the tank to less than fifty. The three survivors, however, spend eight months in the dark bowling in the corridor and breaking the record of polar masturbation.

Chilling dough, never been more appropriate adjective, in which the viewer discovers the therapeutic value dell'assideramento, although grow frustrated at his failure to arrive. Profile equal to the narrative of an episode of Teletubbies, the film is directed by a premature early poster who likes to always arrive prematurely in unveiling the mysteries. Plot structured to hit the first burp, fighting fiercely with "Motorpsycho" for the coveted recognition of thriller in which he managed to bring up the largest number of vehicles, including a snowmobile flooded, reducing the chance for it to happen something minimally plausible. Product that is the genre as the "memento mori" in a nursing home for the elderly: it begins and ends with a scratch.

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15 - Johnny Little Niggers has reviewed for you ...

... The Wolfman!

forty-four film had not been enough for three in a row with the rest of two theme were not enough pairs of breeds most indecent indecent, it was not enough to house a riot of vampires finished worse than of red shirts in Thailand, after the monster Frankenstein and Count Dracula Ulala arrive here on the big screens for a new sudden effort, even the Werewolf hungry. Will yet another regurgitation marauding lune to complete the historic launch the sprint team and a great feature for the ineffable Carletto, Prince of Monsters, notably given the job of the Prince of Wales and its similarity with the repulsive cartoon?

England, nineteenth century (though it?). In the county around the villa of the Talbot family, headed by Sir John Talbot raspomane old De La Vega Hopkins Lecter, strange events happen in blood, last of which involves the stupid son Ben Talbot, slaughtered and gnawed on like a pork chop chops. The leaves frolloccone Gwen, girlfriend, wife and desirous virgin, the father's house, and this calls from America, that runs the province with a skull reciting Hamlet, the psychotic brother Lawrence Talbot, fresh from the asylum. They began an investigation into the facts perverted, while the noble Gwen is returned to London for safety reasons, before they threw languid eyes the horrible young man, who, ingrifato goes hunting the murderer in a Roma camp at night (and Then tell her that you want to die).

In the area meets the gypsy who makes the cards and the cards depends on your luck. Lawrence chooses and, needless to say, comes out ... the "Black Moon" papparappappapà. After the unfortunate event a group of villagers with pitchforks and torches by the gypsies to get him on fire (ancestral tradition) and kill their grizzly dancer (!) held responsible for everything, but all agree to put a beast that bursts anyone in their guts shot, regardless of race, color, and football fan. The comedy is injured and is medicated by the nomad who, having stitched up, pull the bad luck. Meanwhile, from London, Scotland Yard sends Aberlin Agent, the Agent Smith in the Matrix version of the nineteenth century, to investigate. This sits up drinking beer and waiting (which kills hound). When a citizen committee of bigots breaks the house to make him the party Lawrence realizes that the father will not give them the right count, but he fears that his liver with pappi two beans and a good chianti, flip flip flip flip.

A full moon night, wondering why the sudden attack of hirsutism, Lawrence discovers that the beast is that his father and attacked with ringworm of the wound. After a small massacre, the boy, reported by the devious and Dad brought back in a mental hospital, is undergoing treatment edge: ice baths and electroshock. Then, with great subtlety, the psychiatrist who is treating him and ends with fifty other people in a room where you see the full moon. A pool of blood to the psychiatric hospital and the city. Lawrence takes refuge from Gwen that now he understood, but is attracted to the beast, for counting the height increases by about forty centimeters and the girth of fifteen, well there could be positives. She invokes "remains cumm, nun me weary night never come."

Lawrence back loaded like a drum to his father's house to take out my dad with silver bullets and avenge the death of mothers who had been raped when he was a cucci ... er ... child. See if everyone else knew about silver bullets and arrive in the forest with artillery. Gwen goes from gypsy to know if he can be spliced \u200b\u200bfrom the animal before it all goes to hell. After struggling with my father and it charred, injured after Agent Smith (later werewolf media) Gwen Lawrence attacks with ferocity, back in the woods, but she looks pornogastrici tames the first to realize that the pin is always the same and that the dog does not use Frontline Combo fleas and lice. The woman, ruthless, cold him with a revolver loaded with his grandmother's teapot.

Film unnecessarily long, about one hundred and two minutes on one hundred and two, in which those leaving psychiatric pharmacology better, given the substantial doses of Thorazine necessary to understand that this is a film and not a medieval torture . In rebates where even the extras they know immediately what the problem (the moon and the werewolf) and how to fix it (the silver bullets), but do not act out of respect for the spawning of the co-star. Does not reach the heights of masterpieces such as "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man," also for the absence of the Frankenstein monster in comparison with Benicio del Toro hole screen for expression and dialectic. In short, if someone proposes an encore is certainly a threat. Better to be fit for a transurethral bladder catheter.

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14 - Johnny Little Niggers has reviewed for you ...

... Clash of the Titans!

The public world was in need of myth, Antiques and epic fury, too many hours had passed since the last movie theme. After a nap of about two thousand years, the worship of Zeus comeback picking up all the scraps script other fantasy films produced in the last half century and taking advantage of the fantastic technology-3D (equal to room temperature). It will be possible to put everything in a couple of hours of film with a plot to make sense to regret not doing the paying public (and unloading) is not that the title of "Clash of the Squid" or "Clash of the Big"?

Perseus Frugoli an infant is picked up by a fisherman happy while sailing in the coffin in death of his mother-in-one body. The boy grows up with a father octogenarian actor disguised as a fisherman in his forties with Just For Men and two non-speaking useless female characters in tow. Everything is going to suck, until they choose to sail to the ports of Argos, the rebellious city to the gods, where a troop really wants to overturn a statue of Zeus on the unfortunate ship. Here it suddenly becomes crap guano ankles. Survivors do not know how a few tons of marble, in-laws of Perseus succumb to Hades harpies, who rushed to avenge the humiliation suffered by the Olympic gods plenary meeting in the ivory tower of "The Neverending Story."

The boy escaped the massacre and was taken prisoner by the last twelve soldiers of Argos, welcomed home in triumph despite losses from the First World War. The reigning state won the war against the gods just fifteen seconds before receiving a second visit with destruction of Hades: the will of Zeus, where the princess Andromeda will not be sacrificed on the day of the summer solstice, the Kracken, facts about weapons and luggage from the "Pirates of the Caribbean", will destroy Argos. Only escaped the wrath of God, needless to say, you will discover a demigod Perseus in proportion Zeus, who, to spite a King unruly, the trumpet's wife before reducing it to a croquette with a thunderbolt. The Argives are placing all our hopes in the hero and set up a shipment of meat from the pit.

the gang I will add, midwife of Perseus and the queen of personal pronouns subject and condemned to eternal youth. At his request, the expedition turned towards the lair of the Witches of Stygia only to know the weakness of the Kracken over the British navy. Hades, as a countermeasure, it provides special powers to King Fish & Crock and sends him into the fray. After a flood of casualties the soldiers led by Perseus are nowhere to be found in the desert most of Greece, as a non-existent, besieged by giant scorpions, but are saved by the tribe Djinn, Tusken Raiders of "Star Wars", which tame animals. Find the hideous witches, Perseus snatches them the only seeing eye to make out and discovers that the beast must be the look of Medusa prisoner in the Underworld.

After the help of Zeus, father moved by the skill of the offspring, a last flood of torn flesh, including a suicide bomber and the beautiful Djinn I put to death by the enemy extremely crisp, the Gorgon, tired from shooting Percy Jackson where he has already left a head, is overwhelmed and decapitated. Perseus riding Pegasus Black, Argo hurries up, just in time to kill the harpies, petrify the beast and scupper the plans of religious fanatics, cultists of Hades. These, as usual, back underground Pollon playing with her granddaughter in the hope that soon became the goddess of the powders. Zeus, proud of the blood of his blood and another chick, gives Perseus the deity, but he refuses to change the life of the beautiful which I prefer to copulate scramble for the rest of his days. There is nothing more divine trumpet cousin.

Delirio mythological evanescent flavor of a fart on a windy pier, the film provides the same as the pretext for another two thousand years of sleep. Repetitive and boring as the missionary position for lovers of anal sex, was released without disturbing the colon as a single meal of lettuce. Apology of the surreal working class who depends on the will of a demigod to the fisherman and the loser facing hardships to return to the networks: a bit 'as if in front of Jenna Haze you prefer to have sex with Margherita Hack. Still far from scratching the primacy of "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" impeccable exegesis of the role of Christ, the Holy Shroud was closed to roll after just an hour from the projection in the face at the time of exhibition.

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13 - Johnny Little Niggers has reviewed for you ...

... Percy Jackson and the Olympians - The Lightning Thief!

While the average British teenager turns with the tunic, a pair of spectacles out of style already on the beaches of Normandy, a two-tone scarf and a piece of wood through which hisses incantations like "Ventilatio Putrens", "Defecatio hysterical "and" Docta Manus Amica, testosterone Yankees fail to make the assault on the Hellenic pantheon, to be present in a strip-club Aphrodite and remove the heavy nonsense of magic scepter from the hands of a sect of crazies who retires at a castle near Lockness under the astute leadership of one called Dumbledore, but does nothing more than blather?

Zeus and Poseidon, unwatchable tamarri, due to the recent crisis in Greece, moved to New York and meet up on the Empire State Building refitted as best as divine residence. Someone has stolen the lightning in the first, although he had closed the door firmly and Olympians entered the alarm. Suspicion falls on the son of the God of the Seas, a sixteen year old phony name of Percy, free diving world champion, look for fish of the sea bottom and only able to read ancient greek, which does not explain how it ever got to high school in a country Anglo-Saxon. During a trip to the museum of Greek antiquities, which houses artifacts that Greece did not even have the baby god is attacked by a winged fury in the form of Letizia Moratti. The threat of a Congestion Charge Olympic is unsustainable and mother, the wife of a stinker, he decided to send the big baby to the training camp for demigods, two oak trees on the left after that of the Ku Klux Klan and Aryan Alliance before that.

On the trip, mom is kidnapped by a minotaur, and broccoli in an accidental cross of Friesian cows grazing just outside the city. Percy, with the help of the satyr Grover, his guardian, unharmed reach the camp where his paraplegic teacher turns out to be the largest trainer of heroes Chiron (the mystery deepens on how to hide a horse's body in a wheelchair Lightweight, copyright Paxcow). Not even the time of a handful in the company bambascione risks his career to marry the beautiful Annabeth (the actress is Daddario's last name, nomen est omen), daughter of Athena secret CSI New York, is seen to reach Hades in the middle of a party that announces the intention to Mamma exchange with the lightning of Zeus and lost an orgy with the nymphs.

Thanks to Luke, the son of Hermes, Percy, Annabeth and Grover are equipped with shields, map and winged shoes for an expedition to find the pearls of Persephone, capable of moving from the Underworld, and the recovery the dam. Start a pilgrimage coast to coast to the States, where the fearless retrieve the pearls from the clutches of Medusa Thurman (Kill Bill Vol Homer), Hydra and Lotus Eaters. The trio arrives in the underworld, in Hollywood (they realized that this film will damn for ever), and met the couple in charge of the studios: Ade is a seasoned rockabilly, Persephone a nymphomaniac sister dressed as Zorro. Striking discovery, it is appropriate to say, the lightning of Zeus is the shield that Luke gave to Percy, but turning them to stone the fact that all try to ignore it deliberately laying the blame on Ade.

Thanks to Persephone, who strikes her husband tired of his breath that smells of dead mother Ebe is free, but the pearls are just three of the group consists of four heroes. A Grover touches to stay in the underworld fuck Persephone, while others may face a skin on several occasions: that really is a hero satyr. Orphans of the goat, mother, son and pop run atop the Empire State Building to hang up the current Zeus and prevent war, but are surprised by an enemy impossible (according to the writers): Luke, eager to replace the gods. Furious duel in which Percy Moses, with the help of rainwater tanks, sketched a Red Sea on the roofs and destroying the Silver Skates Luke bringing peace intestinal Olympus before returning to Chiron, useless character.

film short of expectations as an octogenarian in a brothel who left viagra in the other pants. He feels that lacks the typical involvement of "Antony and Clitopatra", although it has the merit of making sense that the resistance of the hymen university is destined to weaken in a few episodes. A film that runs only sensible post in ancient greek, such as incomprehensible to most people, and that will not withstand the attacks of flatulence that is produced by the popcorn as Xanax swallowed during the screening. Even "Hercules against the Tyrants of Babylon" appears in front of a neo-realist narrative based on a mother to hide the smell of the divine blood of his son to leave the bed of the god of the seas to slip into that of an obese individual that stinks as the men's room during a trade fair.